While Americans will vary in their customs, here are some common social customs you can expect.
Greeting People
When meeting someone for the first time, it is customary to shake hands, both for men and for women. Hugs are only exchanged between close friends. Kissing on the cheek is not a common greeting.
Americans will usually introduce themselves by their first name and last name (such as “Hello, I’m John Smith”), or, if the setting is very casual, by their first name only (“Hi, I’m John”). The common response when someone is introduced to you is “Pleased to meet you.” Unless someone is introduced to you with their title and last name (such as Mister Smith or Miss Johnson), you may address them by their first name. However, you should always address your college professors by their title and last name (such as Dr. Adams or Professor Jones), unless they ask you to do otherwise.
Conversing with People
Most people in the U.S. like their conversations to be moderate in volume with few and restrained hand gestures. Do not speak too loudly or too quietly, and keep your hands under control.
Depth of Conversation
Most people in the U.S. prefer not to become too involved with the personal lives of their conversation partners. This emotional distance does not mean people dislike one another; it is simply the way things are done here. Personal lives are generally discussed only with close friends and family.
Topics of Conversation
In casual conversation, people in the U.S. prefer “small talk”—topics such as sports, weather, jobs, people they both know, or past experiences. These topics offer common ground, because everyone experiences the weather. Most Americans feel uncomfortable talking about religion, politics, or personal feelings with people they do not know well.
Nonverbal Communication
When people talk about communication difficulties for international students, they are usually referring to spoken and written language. However, many of the most significant communication differences between people from the U.S. and intercultural students are in nonverbal communication or your body language.
Eye Contact
During a conversation, an American speaker often looks briefly into the listener’s eyes, then briefly away, and then back at the listener’s eyes again. An American listener looks at the speaker’s eyes constantly. If you do not look into the eyes of your conversation partner, you will give the impression you are not listening. If you lower your eyes when a professor makes eye contact with you in class, the professor will think you did not prepare your assignment.
Touching
People in the U.S. expect others to stand or sit at least an arm’s length away from them. If you get closer than this, you may notice people from the U.S. moving away from you. They do not necessarily dislike you; you are just in “their space.” In addition, you will frequently hear people say, “Excuse me,” though they have not actually touched anyone. No matter where you are, give people from the U.S. plenty of space.
Email is the official form of communication at NMJC. It is crucial that you check your NMJC email at least once a day. It is considered extremely rude to ignore or not reply to email messages that ask for your reply, and you may miss critical information about scholarships or academics if you do not check it.
Speaking on the Phone
Americans normally answer the telephone by simply saying “Hello.” If you are calling a business, the person answering the phone will give the name of the business and usually their own name as well. If the person you would like to speak to has answered the phone, you should say hello and state your name. If not, you should ask for that person politely. The majority of Americans have voice mail on their phones. Also, the majority of businesses have voice mail accounts for their employees. When leaving a message, state your name clearly, and leave a telephone number where you can be reached. Telephone messages should be brief and to the point.
Other Helpful Guidelines
- Americans have no taboo associated with the left hand; they are as likely to touch you or to hand you objects with the left hand as with the right hand.
- Americans have no negative association with the soles of the feet or the bottom of the shoes.
- A common way to greet children is to pat them on their heads.
- People often point with their index finger to make a point during conversation.
- Americans show respect for someone by looking him or her in the face, not by looking down.
- Relaxed postures, whether sitting or standing are very common in America.
- Americans are often uncomfortable with silence.
Cross-Cultural Adjustments
Here are some suggestions to make your experience a happier one:
Listen and observe. Since there are new rules, norms, and cues that may be unfamiliar, you need to listen to words and to observe nonverbal communication carefully, trying to put them into proper context.
Ask questions. You cannot assume that you always know what is going on, or that you always understand a particular communication. Most Americans will be very helpful if you need an explanation of something. You may need to rephrase a question, check the meaning of something, or repeat what you have said in order to be clearly understood.
Try not to judge. You will see many things that are different from your own culture. Do not label anything as “good” or “bad” in comparison to your own culture. Most customs, habits, and ideas are simply different from the ones you are familiar with. You may also misunderstand some things; do not make judgments until you have more complete information.
Try to empathize. Try to put yourself in the other person’s place, and look at the situation from his or her perspective. Cultural perspectives can cause very different interpretations of the same situation.
Be open and curious. Try new things, and try and try to find out how and why certain things are done. The more you explore, the more you will learn.
Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself. It is likely that you will make mistakes as you explore a new culture. Laughing at your mistakes will encourage others to respond to you in a friendly manner and help you learn from them.
Try to accept frustration. Learning to function in a new culture is not easy, and it is natural to feel anxious and frustrated at times. These feelings are a normal part of the experience.
Get involved. The more you put into the experience, the more you will learn from it. Make an effort to meet people, form friendships, get involved in activities, and learn about the people and their culture.
